Oh, Baby, it is a wild world, indeed.
I'm teaching three nights in a row, as one of the few people left standing after a tumultuous few years where the obstacles thrown at us climbing up Sisyphus' great hill was already a defeated task, and instead of getting assistance and help, we get reprimanded. Hard to be optimistic in these dark days. I don't see any solutions, except the ones I already know work: hard work, integrity, excellence, professional development multiple grants, relentless hours, and national networking, but instead of support and acting out similar traits, it's merely "Well, you need to do better."
At some point I'm just breaking into pieces. I pride myself on doing excellent by being excellent, but at some point I have to be a realist and name the obstacles as they are, even if they don't want to hear them. An already 364 day schedule with 14 hours days, 7 days a week, has not been enough to keep going what I'm keeping going, but now there's more to be added to the plate because of the ongoing faculty-flight.
It's so frustrating, and it is a Wild World, indeed.
I wish I wasn't making it up, but the truth is too insane to put into words.
I know the only thing I've ever been able to fix is my attitude and I like to think I've done a mighty job with that....as a junior faculty member stated, "You and Ryan are the golden light for how to get the job done." I know. And it about did us both in.
And it did do us both in.
Prayers up, Great Whatever. I usually have a solution and an answer, but all I have at this point is honesty and exhaustion.
Should be a time to celebrate accomplishments and achievements, but instead I'm realizing there's no time for that, because the impossible has been laid before me.
Hoping this too shall pass. That's all I can do.
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